Love Each Other

I really believe in the human race. I believe we are people of great potential and there are so many who astound me as to their wonderful altruism, creativity and absolute desire to show the world what we can be.  I was challenged recently because I was moaning about Government and about people who seem to persistently try to parasitically suck the life from society.  I was challenged because although I moaned, I was asked what, exactly, I did to help and improve society.  I was silenced.

I have done things in the past deemed as charitable and beneficial to society, but I can't say I am particularly altruistic in my day to day living.  It got me thinking though, great acts of charity don't need to be the way of being a useful cog in our society. 

Love, community and communication surely contribute.  I despise the ignorance we nurture.  I am always amazed as to how well The Sun and The Daily Mail sell. People lap up these 'news sources'.  People absorb these ignorant and false sources of information because (in my opinion) lazy and ignorant journalism is easier to stomach than opinion that challenges our worldview.

It is easier to agree with the idea that we are being flooded with blood sucking immigrants than analyse the complex nature of our ever diverse society and how many people would rather hire a foreigner than a native because at least the foreigner will turn up to the interview, let alone the actual job on time.

It is easier to scroll through Facebook and believe a post that claims our Government spends more on Foreign Aid than the welfare of our own society without actually researching the facts to find Britain's annual spend is only a tiny amount of our GDP.

It is easier to tar Muslims with the terrorist brush than realising that many British people commit huge acts of terrorism by leaving communities in fear every week by theft, abuse and rape of core ideals.

We need to stop believing the world owes us and understanding we owe our fellow man so much in that without love, community and communication we are individuals seeking to follow the god of greed and selfishness.

Peace.  x

Beacon of Light

How do you feel?  Have you been crippled by fear again?  Have you woken with your back dripping wet and your mind branded with terror?  It has been another night of cruel images steamrolling their way in and leaving you trembling, sweating and gasping for breath.  It is relentless.  It is disturbing.

What causes these night terrors to swoop in and rob you of peace and tranquility?  I was once told the nightmares are there because of my own perception of myself.  I was told that the longer I clung on to certain things the more frequently these nightmares would return.  After all, no-one else is commanding your mind.  No-one is implanting these dreams.  You are the master of your mind.  Or you can be at least.  What guilt to you cling on to, like letting go would somehow end your life?

This guilt we nurture holds no use or purpose but yet we desperately strive to nourish it as if it holds some special power we don't quite understand yet.  Guilt is purely subjective and holds no baring on another person's life.  Our guilt makes another's life no better or worse;  they carry on regardless.  We sit there in our own filth of guilt as if we are punishing ourselves.  It's a form of self-harm.  It's sadistic.

We allow this guilt to rot our insides and tear away at our soul until we becomes a shadow - life drained from our eyes.  We allow it to dictate our identity and ultimately are left with no identity.  We become people of fear and trembling not beautiful beacons of light.  You are a beacon of light.

When you accept the past is the past and what makes life worth living is how embrace the now, that is when you become a beacon of light.  Look at those around you who seem so content and at ease with who they are.  They understand the beauty of now and the empowering sense of freedom that comes with accepting mistakes and understanding the wisdom which has come from those mistakes.

Guilt brings death.  Forgiveness brings life.

Forgive yourself.  Stand in the sun and breathe in the wonderful freedom of forgiveness.

Peace.  x

The Seducer

Ah, that delightful temptation seeps through my veins like a thick syrup.  It oozes through my being clogging my system and seductively envelops me in a toxic hug.  It whispers sweetly in my ear inviting me in, reassuring me that this is the path to take; this is the road to freedom.  It feels intoxicating and I am almost drunk on the promises being massaged into my mind.  I am under a spell and I feel myself being pulled deeper and deeper into a dark and dangerous place.  I am becoming a slave.

Small voices of despair try to break through but they are muffled and censored behind a more powerful and inviting voice.  A voice which reassures me this route brings relief and it brings liberation.  The muffled voices cry out in protest and sob in utter horror, but I cannot really hear them because I don't want to hear them.  Their voices invoke fear but the other voice brings calm clarity.  The voices of despair smash themselves against their prison walls, screaming to be heard but the walls are growing thicker and their voices more distant.

"It is futile," whispers my seducer.  I nod in agreement.  It is futile.  I am spellbound.

Its smooth, cold perfection feels light and easy in my grip.  It is like an extension of me because I use it everyday with such skill and ease.  Why wouldn't I connect it with myself?  It's like an artist's brush or a musician's instrument; you give your everything to it and it, in turn, becomes part of you.  I anticipate the first cut in a long time and it feels exhilarating.

"NO!"

A muffled voice has broken free.

"You are loved.  You are better.  You are stable.  You are of worth."

I hesitate.

"You are not fucked up to do this anymore.  It's not just you you will be cutting, but those around you."

The seductive voice of self harm has lost her power and I can walk another day without new cuts that would become scars.  I can walk another day knowing I do not loathe myself.

I like myself.

Bloody hell, there's even days where I love myself.

Peace.      

Think of Me

Think of me when you're a little desperate and need a tender touch,
Think of me when your mind is racing and it feels too much.
Think of me when the world is like a field of terrible snares,
Think of me when all you desire is to know I deeply care.

Hold on to me when you feel your grip is slipping away,
Hold on to me when the night seems as if it will never become day.
Hold on to me when your heart won't stop beating hard,
Hold on to me when all you need is your hand held.

Cuddle in to me when the terror of the night makes you gasp,
Cuddle in to me as I will never leave, I am here to the last.
Cuddle in to me and listen to the gentle beat of my heart,
Cuddle in to me and let that rhythm bring peace to your heart.

Kiss me when you need to feel cared and loved,
Kiss me as I am the one you know you can trust.
Kiss me as these lips are yours and yours always,
Kiss me my sweet as I shall never walk away.

Society not Selfishness

Carmen and I have bought a house. Well, nearly.  We're almost there, we just need to sign the mortgage deeds and send the money through.  This is the crux of the issue though, because we were sent a bill by our solicitors today and it was much higher than we thought it should be.

I phoned the solicitors and questioned the bill and they dismissed me like I was a silly little child daring to question their 'professionalism'.  I then phoned our mortgage adviser asking for his, well, advice!  I went through the bill with him and he saw an anomaly and phoned the lawyers on our behalf and they admitted they had made a mistake by a whopping £800.  These are people charging hellish amounts of money and they were going to overcharge us by a huge figure.

They sent through a new bill and bloody hell, they'd adjusted their figures but somehow another £200 has been added to the bill in other areas.  I am absolutely disgusted by their brazen attempts to get money from us, as if we'll simply put our hands in our pockets and pay it.  They will be in for a fight.

Their approach though, sums up the disease of our society where greed and individualism is king.  If I can get something out of this, it doesn't matter how it affects others.  Fuck that.

If our society will ever succeed again it will be about integrity, grace and community.  I will never overcharge someone in my restaurant because it's about community enjoying the experience.  We will make a profit because we are good with our finances and welcome people back time and time again.

These lawyers trying to rob us don't understand that trying to do business by hoping you can fleece people without anyone noticing is parasitic and sucks the life out of society.  If these scum bags can sleep at night then I am amazed.

The Still, Small Voice

I hate feeling like I am not strong enough.  I know I have a good understanding of people and I know I have a good understanding of how people think.  I guess I always try to look for the best in people and try to believe that they are not intending to screw me over.  God, I know that is incredibly naive and, in fact, so many people out there are trying to get what they can regardless of how others are treated in the process.  It saddens me.

I have so many dreams and I truly believe I am exceptional at what I do but I have so many voices telling me to do this or do that, I suddenly struggle to understand what I AM actually thinking.  I am currently doubting my own abilities because so many other voices are giving me a very different story.  Their voices are not to be dismissed but it makes me question my own.

I need to gain a perspective where I can listen to the still, small voice of reason from my own mind and nod to it with confidence.  The problem with that is, I have so much noise that still, small voice is struggling to be heard.  I think this is currently reflecting my own state of mind.  

Do you ever struggle to hear your quiet voice?

Peace.  x

Your Voice

Why do you think your voice should not be heard?  What has warranted the silence and inability to speak?  Do you think you're stupid or that your mouth has been sewn shut?  Does it feel as if someone has threaded invisible chord through your lips so that no matter how much you desire to speak, only a muffled sound emits from your throat?

It doesn't have to be this way and it doesn't have to feel this way.  Your voice is powerful and must be heard.  Power doesn't come from how loudly you can SHOUT or who you can bully to be listened to.  Power comes from a quiet resolve and perseverance.  Power comes from a self-assurance that you do have something valid to say; it's the way you say it.  People with great words are confident in what they say and have self-belief.  Believe in who you are and your words will follow.

Don't be fooled into thinking that banal sound bites from Bieber and Jeremy Kyle are the epitome of what we have to say for ourselves.  We are meant to be so much more than that; the human race has been built on fabulous philosophy with eternal words of wisdom and depth.  "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Cogito ergo sum," "Yes we can," "Who, being loved, is poor?"  We are a species of great words and your words can become part of that fabric.

Your words and actions can become entwined in this rich history of humanity.  Your story and journey can become a vibrant, visual masterpiece which shouts into human history of who you are and what you can and did achieve.

Your voice can be a poetic, passionate and positive sound through so much noise.